Having spent a year in hospital with its rollercoaster experiences, I wondered if my experiences could help someone going through a similar “trial of faith”. These notes,I hope, will bring some relief in the trial.

I summarise these experiences as follows:-

• The reality of God
• The power of the devil and the testing of faith
• Giving and receiving
• The future.

On 12^th December 2007 I went for an endoscope examination, unfortunately my oesophagus was torn, allowing fluid to pour into my lungs.  I was transferred to Belfast and put on to a life-support machine and spent several weeks in intensive care followed by 10 months in hospital.

The reality of God.

My wife Margaret, left at home, had some supernatural experiences of God.  Each day during that critical period of life and death, the Holy Spirit through His gifts, spoke to her, confirmed later in her Bible reading.  (What a pity that the Holy Spirit and His gifts are largely ignored today by the churches).  It was a time of great joy and reassurance for Margaret.

The power of the devil and the testing of faith.

For me it was the opposite – a time of anxiety, darkness and fear.  I had a vision of being in a space ship with thoughts is that there was no heaven or hell.  As the space ship hurtled down into a cold, a lifeless frightening area, I spotted 2 red books on the ground: one Richard Dawkins “The God Delusion”; the other John Humphries (Radio four) whose title I cannot recall.  A few weeks before this I saw these books in Waterstone’s, displayed in a prominent location. I felt disturbed and feared for this next generation.  On another occasion I had another vision in Margaret’s presence.  I saw a street with several churches whose bells were chiming loudly.  Gradually, one by one, the bells went silent and the one nearest to where I was standing went silent, except for a faint ping.  It became clear the silence of the bells meant death and my turn had come.  Margaret was testifying “God has promised you will not die”.  I did my best to convince her, afraid that she would lose her confidence in God, His revelation and His Word.  These were dark days for me but God is good. Luke 22:31, 32 came with relevance “At the last supper a dispute arose among the disciples as to who was the greatest.  Jesus took Peter aside “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat, but I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail…”  I began to see Satan’s activity in my experience, to destroy my faith even after 54 years as a Christian, seeking to serve God.

Jesus’ solution to Peter’s problem, in Luke 22, was prayer.  I took great comfort from this knowing many dear Christian friends were praying for Margaret and I.

At times the darkness can be overwhelming.  The longer the journey the worse it gets.  Margaret and I have experienced periods where the heavens are as brass.  Where on pleading has apparently produced no results.  Our pleas for help seem to be of no avail.  We just hold each other, weep and renew our pleas.  I have preached on faith with little trouble when things are going well.  My concept has changed.  Faith can only be exercised in the darkness, in the unknown.  To God our faith is precious.  He allows us to go through darkness, through pain into areas of testing to prove to us the genuineness of our faith.  We hang on to that.

Giving and receiving

My long stay in hospital gave opportunities for witnessing.  I was able to pray with doctors, nurses, cleaners, porters and patients.  For example, one day a porter came to take me to x-ray.  He seemed agitated.  I asked him what was troubling him?  He told me that he was the union shop steward and his boss had spoken harshly to one of his members and he was not going to allow it!  I told him I was a Christian and would like to pray for him.  He was obviously embarrassed with folks around him.  I prayed “Lord you dislike injustice, thank you for putting a sense of justice into this man.  Grant your peace and a just resolution” He grunted, by no stretch of the imagination could it be interpreted as an “amen”!  He took me back to my room, delayed himself as he washed his hands then turned and said, “Thank you for blessing me” I thought what a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer”.  May the Holy Spirit anoint us with a sensitivity to folks’ needs and greater desire to offer to pray for them.

Jean is a Pilipino nurse full of the Holy Spirit.  On one of my “low” days I asked her to pray for me.  Oh my can she pray!  My problem was to wonder if and when she would stop!  She invoked all Jehovah’s Hebrew titles.  Half way through her prayers a member of staff appeared at the door.  I thought what will this woman think?  Jean was oblivious to the interruption carried on with fervour and eventually pronounced “the amen”!

The hospital is situated in a staunchly Republican area with larger than life murals painted of Bobby Sands and other hunger strikers.  From a protestant point of view it is easy to forget that they suffered too.  One cleaner’s husband was shot dead 16 years ago.  She awakens each day with painful thoughts.  Another cleaner’s husband, driving his taxi, was high-jacked by three youths.  He managed to deposit them at an army post where they were released without charge.  He had a serious breakdown and has not worked since.  I found these folks willing to listen to me and pray that the gospel of peace will cross the line of divide.

The future

As I record these memories I still cannot take any food or drink orally, after 11 months.  We pray for my healing, how I long to sit at the table with Margaret and enjoy a coffee and a blueberry muffin!

This journey started in November 2007 when Margaret and I cried out to God for an intimate relationship with God.  To hear His voice, to know His will, to walk with Him as many of the Old Testament fathers did.  To see Him rend the heavens, to come down in revival power, to heal the land and the Church.

The journey is not over yet.

“I know whom I have believed and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day”.

2 Timothy 1:12